Talking to the Moon

I've been talking to the moon for too long...it's like forever...am still doing it up until now..changing my course, but every time i failed..i really want to..i wish i had that guts, courage and strength, unfortunately i ended up the same way i did in the past.Sometimes, I really wish I can turn back the time so I won't do the stupid mistakes like this. I thought that's the end for me, it wasn't. My journey is still far away, and ahead of me. I'm still figuring out myself..Maybe I didn't know myself very well. A lot of figuring will occur. Right now, my head doesn't function very well, with the overdose thinking pills and tense yellow bombers inside my system. I just want to rest a while from this life, I need it. I'm not sure how long I'm gonna take but this is important for me. Go away tense, go away confusion. I need and I want to be alone for a while, to retreat myself. Looking for the "me" that I long for all this while.



I can't let others bully me once more. I've had enough, I don't want to be a loser. I must stand for myself. Those people who wants to go away from my life, I don't want to bother so much, let them be, because it is just not my style to push people to stay by my side. But, I will fight for those people who have the right to stay and because I want them to stay. I'm not chasing people, I'm just fighting for them because I don't want to let people who are precious, important in my life to go away.

I'm going to die...I don't know when, I just know I will. And before I die, I don't want to left this world with regrets. Regrets of not doing things I want to do, telling things I should tell, admitting matter I should admit. People might won't understand me, but, I believe that God always understand me, He knows why I did what I did. I don't need other people to understand me, it is enough that God alone.


Honestly, there are several things left that I want to do..I want to love someone. Right before I left this world, I want to love someone, I want to be with someone, I want to marry someone, I want to build my miniature church with someone. And with someone God has placed for me. That's the only thing left that I really want to do. I don't have such a huge heart like others.But there is always space for love somewhere inside.