Danza Kuduro

It's been a few weeks. But, hell,no..i'm not leaving this page. I'm here till the end. This blog is the only free-media and strictly no public social network log book for me. I can write anything in here without everyone's knowing eventhough my followers might interested of what I'm writing inside here. I guess I'm not that much attraction to other people.

Ok, been listening to a lot of music recently and Terry is still my Scottish rockstar. Had just listen to Let It Be by him in the Semi Finals few days ago. That's why I'm very fond of English man, they never fail me. I'm not being discriminate others here. Just saying.

The photo above is me (on the right) and Helen (my friend) during our weekend trip to Brunei. Yeah, spending weekend in my place where I work is not much interesting except for the tranquil and harmony environment they offer. A small town, I would say.

Danza Kuduro is a song introduce to me by a friend. And been listening to it every morning for my exercise session. yeah, I did shake some hips..LOL..Nothing important and too emotional event occur this few weeks. Still seeking adventure ahead. Life is boring when it is monotonous.

I want to quarell (been a long time since....). I don't want just to live my life very typical. At least, until the day of my death. Because, if it is too monotonous, I don't have any story to tell to my children. And it is boring.

Should I go and do crazy stuff with my buddies? Yes, I should.. Still thinking what crazy stuff we should do in this freaking holiday. But, yeah, we break the rules this year. Driving other's car without even telling where we are going, that's one, even though its minor. It is like we are car theft. After all, I still have few years before I turn 30, so I really don't want to waste time. And you know what, people are saying the right fact. When u did crazy stuff, you are the craziest of yourself. I admit it. I kinda feel the excitement. Really, it's hard to find crazy friends as you're getting older. 

I think that's enough with the craziness I wrote in here. Till I come again..

Dear God

                                                             Dear God

When a lot of them think that I pictured a good image, there are so little of them knew what actually happened. Zero of them. Dear God, I don't want to feel discourage but that is exactly what I'm feeling right now. Will i ever get over of what had occurred? 

I know that it is not good to dwell too long in your past, but what if it haunted you all along? I'm not talking about past relationship here, just some story that I couldn't share with other people other than myself. Yeah, not even the person I trust the most. 

It's my fault though back then. And I never being able to forgive myself for that reason. Up until today. Maybe that's why I keep holding myself back to get really attach in a relationship. I'm still afraid. This endless fear, I don't know where it will end. Dear God, the only thing I ask from You is to hold me very tight..

       
               The Voice Season 3

I'm officially Terry McDermott fan. He rocks, like a solid rock, he's a rock star. Watching him performing is like watching a real Scorpion or U2 in live concert.And not forgetting that he is Scottish.Wow, that makes it more interesting. yeah, i'm speaking in accent now...LOL..ok, honestly speaking, he really nails me on the Summer 0f 69 performance. Watching his performance over and over again in the UTUBE, can't get enough of it. Blake is the real coach, I would say. He makes little things interested..yeah, Terry is small but he is a charming. A charming rock star. 

I guess it is because of his experience gives him the advantage. He doesn't look awkward performing on stage. Anyhow, good luck to Terry and looking forward to the final performance from him. Terry, you can win this. I'm here to support you.    

                         Wicked Witch of East (Stories)
There will be..a wicked witch who plan to invade this land..because of her hatred to human. who is it, still remain a mystery...to be continue..

LOL..i'm crapping. i just love crapping or talk crap...and i love singing very much even when I know i don't have a nice voice..i love writing..i write everything i see, what i feel at the momemnt and the most thing i like is listening to stories...

I love listening to stories and i get excited every time that person dearest to me starts talking and story-telling..even when we only talk through phone..i can feel as if he is next to me..he will eventually, starts talking about things he knew, things he read etc..and i feel really close to him. There's always something about him every time i talk to him. And, to a point that his stories actually became my lullaby..yes, my lullaby..i can fall asleep just hearing him in the phone..hahhahhaa...i'm so corny..

he had a lot to tell..everything..every stories he had actually entertain me. And I just want to listen his stories. Sometimes, it surprise me that I never thought he would have so much knowledge and i don't know what to say..and I fall in love one more time with him. That is so dare. But, then,the most thing feared still happens. I lose him once again, and maybe this time for real..


It is just another story.
 

THIS IS HOW I WANT TO REMEMBER MYSELF

                           
                                    THIS IS HOW I WANT TO REMEMBER MYSELF

this is how i want to remember myself. a person that always want to try new things and challenges in life. a person who will get angry only for a few minutes. a person who owns a big heart and a plenty of room for love. a person who loves to eat but afraid of food. a person who have so much to share with everyone. and i miss the old me. a person who loves to play futsal so much and a person who loves to hang out with friends when she had that free time. 

i want to remember myself as a faulty person. a person who curse when she want to curse. wow, that's a hard word there. i want to remember myself as a person who do many mistakes and stupid fault when i knew it is wrong and stupid. i don't want to be call as good girl. i hate it when people call and assume me a good girl. i hate it so much........arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..see, how much i hate that title. because i know i'm not.what good girl am I when i can't even defend myself when they did that to me.i hate to think or remember anything about it. i disgust of myself every time the images replay in my medula oblongata or what lobus does it include in. 

hey, but, know what, i'm moving on. i know my smile won't be the same again but i still smile. Lord, give me the strength i need in this life. Only for this very moment. I want to love, i want to live,i want to have faith, i want to have hope, i want to trust.

Confidence

Pretty

                                                                    DEMENTIA

"Dementia is a general term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life". That's what they said about the disease.   

Can you actually imagine the first thing pop in your mind is losing every memory you have in your life and not recognizing people around you? That's terrifying.      

Facing the world with zero fact and you can't even thinking of any reasonable answer to each question ask?

What does the world have to offer when little by little, everything that used to be so big and important in lives become a small black dot in your mind?

Frustration and sadness emerge in their eyes, showing what great pain in their chest they have to bear. Re-thinking each steps they take gonna affect everything, even make them fond to small mistakes.

Is it really hard to retain and maintain anything that meaningful to them? Please, memory, don't lose yourself...perhaps this is what they beg in the deepness of their heart, each night before they go to bed.

                                       

Myself with Japanese food

Crazy myself

I'm a beach..LOL

Sweet Candy      


I AM FAULTY

Those are some photos that i would proudly claim as progress in my life. I've been through a lot of experiences which i call bittersweet moment. But, you know the most thing I want to do now is I want to cursed..LOL...weird, right? Reading all my posts in this blog just made me realize that I do cursed and I'm glad I'm normal. Normal? Yeah, normal. I do stuff other people did. Except some that I think is not appropriate for myself. I do crazy stuff with my friends. We go wild sometimes, that's how i call it. I do have wild parts inside me, well, I would say in a manageable manner. And, I cursed in my blog when I am angry. I don't go beat or yell at people, but I would love to do that sometimes. Hahahahha...I'm laughing very hard. However, I turn to be quite a modest person. I am not a very good person but at the same time not that cruel. And I am comfortable with myself. A lot of things can make me pissed, angry, felt down at the same time but, it only last for a while. Hemmm, sometimes, I do have a very cruel intention and keep some cold-blooded revenge in myself. Something that really pissed me off, of course. Anyway, looking at the photos above remind me that I'm just an ordinary girl. 

                                                        

                                                         BEYOND OUR GASP

A whole lot of things occur, happen and exist beyond our gasp. The real fact of our whole existence remain mystery until today, even though there's a lot of science fact and research done to unfold the greatness of human existence.The oxygen we inhale each day, the air we breath, the CO2 we exhale, the blood our heart pumps only can be explained by scientific equations. But, do we really have the answer of how this process even begin and where is the beginning for all of it. Yet, the answer is infinity. So, as with what happen in our life everyday. There is a saying 'things happen for a reason'.No matter how much we crave and put our ass to find the answer, somehow, some matter doesn't have any. Why people kill other people? Was it really because of hatred, revenge or mere jealousy or encourage by other factors? Why people fall in love with some people? Was it mere sexual attraction or because their hearts pump when each time they see or meet each other or because they are destined for each other? The answer is infinity. Because there are a lot of reasons, for each things that happen. Each person have their own cause. 

There are times when we want to give up everything and leave the rest behind. Especially when situation seems to turn their back on us. When crisis arises in our family,when we broke up with our partner, when we got fired, when we lose important people in our lives, when things seems dark. During those period, we are broken hearted. We gonna cry as much as we can, we gonna yell at everyone we bump into, we gonna scream as loud as we can.That's the only thing we want to do, nothing else. But, for some people, these are the moments that are very crucial for them. Dwelling in such negative situation when hope seems mere fairy tale, when faith is fragile, when trust is just a word in their vocabulary. They still stand up even they fall hundred and even thousand times. Defending their reason and whole existence. Giving up seems easy, but to demolish their whole existence require a lot of courage. Because there's always one reason that hold them back. Their loved ones, their family, their friends, the people they met, the people who encourages them. That's why. The reason always evolve around them. And that is "the people that made them that way". Those are the peoples that test them, loved them, hurt them etc. Yet, there is where they find their strength and the reason to live. Moral of the story ' behind every dark cloud there is always a silver lining'. Lives gonna hurt you but at the end of the day that's the only reason you want to live. Thanks Lord !

Fix You

currently at Miri...at friend's house..tumpang sekejap as transit before depart to Serian tonight...wahhh...life's a long journey..but travelling, i enjoy it very much..travelling to different places taught me different culture of other races and people....gonna go back to my roots tonight....tempat jatuh lagikan dikenang,apatah lagi kampung halaman sendiri...miss my elders too much...and my Mi Vida..this time i'll try my best and if nothing work out, i won't regret. because the song Fix You encourage me a lot....i start smiling again. yehaa...don't let life bring you down..you worth to enjoy your life to the fullest. I change my pace. Lights will guide me home..and I will try to fix myself...becoming a better person everyday. Thank You Lord for everyone that You brought into my life, both those who bring happiness or leave sadness, they actually colors my life. Keep my faith with You Lord....the Spirit carries on....

After quite a few Months

life's getting busier these days..and i haven't step in to this blog after a long, very long time..slightly forgotten. Everything rounding up to eat me..huh sighing would be a good relief for this short time...jobs, life, routine, really pressing me down...kinda out of idea how to distress myself..now, in front of my screen, and screaming at my innocent blog. keeps me wondering and questioning what i want to do next..a lot of things inside my mind now..think i just wanna rest the whole day. should i sleep? maybe....later i want to go salon to cut my hair....maybe...stressed out, i gotta loosen  a bit...says who..say myself....indulge myself with soothing music, wahhhhh...can't wait for it anymore....